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Tohru Adachi vs Hazama
Pre Episode Cue Music 1 Theodore: Say, Nova... what are you even working on there? Nova: Our views have gone to shit lately. In fact, we've barely gotten any at all. Why do think that is? Theodore: You're certain? Why would you even-''' Alice: Just open your eyes, man! *Slap!* '''Theodore: Wha- Bullshit! That wasn't a slap, that was a punch! From a metallic fist! Nova: *AHEM!* Gentlemen... and Alice. We need to improve our reputation in the eyes of the public! Alice: I propose a mass blackmailing! If nobody wants to watch our show, we'll give 'em a good reason or two to do so. Theodore: That does not sound legal. At all. I propose-''' Nova: What? That's not the main issue here! (Though I certainly plan to handle that in my own way too.) What I'm really concerned about would be the anti Death Battle protests hounding our HQ! Alice: They do seem quite pissed off. Though I'm surprised they found our new location so fast. '''Theodore: There must be some way we could appeal to their better senses, right? Nova: Theo, this is the internet we're talking about here. What better senses could you possibly refer to?! I'll have you notice, a good number of those protesters are either trolls who have nothing better to do or actual demons from the Netherworld! Theodore: So that's why they're all heavily armed... But so many of them are just upset that their favorite franchises or characters have been struck down by the show! Surely-''' Alice: I HAVE called for backup, but they're sure as hell taking their sweet time. Nova: While we COULD go down there and kick everyone's asses, I say we should show them another episode to lull them over. Just... stall for time. In the meantime, you two had better get your weapons ready, that forcefield won't hold up forever. Alice: We'd better choose the next episode carefully then, or we'll just piss everyone off even more. Just remember, I still support the idea of coming down there myself to beat the sense into all of 'em. '''Theodore: Just roll the clip already... Nova: AND I'll be preparing the most amazing publicity stunt! Just you two wait, our views will skyrocket before you can say Theo's a dork! Alice: Theo's a dork. Theodore: Hey! Description New Adachi vs Hazama.png Chibi Adachi vs Hazama.png Adachi vs Hazama.png This What If Death Battle will feature Tohru Adachi from Persona 4 and Hazama from Blazblue. Who can you really trust when those in a position of authority turn out to be as wicked as these two sociopaths? Who's trolling can come out on top between them? Interlude Theodore: Nova, is that drool coming out of your mouth? I shudder to ask... Nova: Have you ever wondered why the villains of a series sometimes tend to grow more popular or even gain more favor than the heroes? Alice: Let's see here, we've got plenty of good reasons. They could dress well, have good motivations... But here's my personal favorite: They could be completely sociopathic trolls who feed on others suffering! Theodore: That's incredibly worrying to say the least... just like Tohru Adachi, the Egocentric Police Dick! Nova: And Hazama, the captain of the NOL and the world's biggest troll. (We all love him for it anyway!) Alice: I'm Alice, the only sane one here, and these are my Theodore and Nova. Theodore: It's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills, to find out who would win... A DEATH BATTLE! This should be fun. Alice: Oh, and before we get started here I have one warning for all of you: THIS EPISODE WILL CONTAIN MASSIVE SPOILERS- oh f*ck it. Everybody should already know this. Adachi Cue Music 2 Nova: At first glance, Inaba seems to be a relatively peaceful, boring, average old Japanese country town. It just makes you wish... for some kind of excitement, right? Alice: Excitement eh? Then who wants to talk about MURDERS? Theodore: It all started when the dead body of one TV announcer Mayumi Yamano was found atop a telephone with no explained circumstances. It would not be long before another poor maiden befell the same fate. Truly, this could only be the work of a vile killer! Nova: So, of course the local Scooby Doo gang and their little bear friend took it among themselves to solve this great mystery and bring the elusive killer to justice! 'Cause lets face it, the local police kind of sucked ass at actually doing their jobs. Theodore: You know you're doing SOMETHING wrong when a bunch of teenagers not only know more about the crimes than you, but have also been going around saving future would be victims by going into televisions to beat the crap out of shadows! Alice: Well, at least some of them tried to help... but only succeeded in making himself look like a damn fool. Of course I'm talking about Detective Cabba- I mean Tohru Adachi. Theodore: He's a cheerful, lazy, clumsy, and all around incompetent goofball with the sole purpose of leaking police intel to a set of high school students. How has he not been fired yet? Nova: Despite our hero's valiant efforts, they could not quite track down the true culprit behind Inaba's mysterious crimes. But everything came to a head when the main pimptagonist's little cousin nearly became the next murder victim herself. Alice: But hey, at least the gang managed to rescue her and even catch the culprit! Everything would be A-OK from then on. Until she died that is. Nova: ...And no one ate dinner that night... ...That would be the funny ending, but here's what really happens! Theodore: With the utmost heroic restraint, our heroes decided against lashing out on the supposed killer and wouldn't you know it, little Nanako survives! It's so touching... *sniff* Alice: Soon they would find the TRUE culprit. And it's not just another cheap fake out this time. The real mastermind behind the Inaba serial murders is, drum roll please... Cue Sound 1 Nova: Jar Jar Bin- I mean it was Adachi! Of course it was Adachi! Haven't you been paying attention to the hints at all? Cue Music 3 Theodore: At last, the real villain has made his appearance! He had put up a convincing veil of deception throughout the adventure but a single slip of the tongue would prove to be his undoing! Upon the hero's brilliant realization, Adachi could do nothing more than retreat into the TV World to lay low from the hand of justice! Alice: Adachi's true colors revealed a sadistic, misanthropic, misleading, and all around trolling individual who just wanted some damn entertainment. I'm starting to like this guy a bit more now. Cue Sound 2 Theodore: ... Alice: Shut up. It's an endearing character trait. And don't think for a second that the guy's just a harmless cop either. It turns out he possesses a Persona too, just like the heroes! Nova: Enter Magatsu Izanagi, a bloody image of Yu Narukami's own Persona, quite literally! Theodore: A Persona is the physical manifestation of one's personality used to combat hardships, but in simpler terms, it lets you summon badass creatures to fight your foes for you! Alice: Even then, the user can still fight alongside his or her summoned Persona, which basically makes for a two on one fight. Adachi carries a revolver with him at all times. He's apparently a very good shot but he just prefers to go up and whack people over the head with it instead. Nova: At least he doesn't throw the damn thing away when it runs out of ammo! Unlike a certain idiot hero here... Theodore: I'll have you know that's a highly legitimate combat strategy! That's why I carry so many with me! AND they make for some handy ranged bludgeoning tools. Alice: Weaponry aside, Adachi prefers to hang back and let his Persona do most of the fighting, but he's certainly not above pulling cheap shots or dirty tricks to gain the upper hand. Theodore: He may not have been so tough in the original game but all of his other appearances have made him into a real badass! Nova: He tends not to take his battles too seriously, but there's no need when Magatsu Izanagi can cleave through buildings with relative ease! This Persona is incredibly savage in combat and it's list of attacks sure as hell reflects it. Hell, even Yu Narukami's taken a liking to it, seeing as how he used the Persona to one shot Ameno Sagiri! Theodore: It can summon powerful blasts of thunder and wind with Maziodyne and Garudyne, improve all of Adachi's stats with Heat Riser, and grant a 250% increase to the power of it's next physical attack with Power Charge! Alice: And wouldn't you know it? A good handful of his attacks are even capable of inflicting annoying status conditions on his victims. He'll mercilessly stab the shit out of you with Ghastly Wail (Which can potentially instantly kill a foe inflicted with fear), sweep you up in a vortex with Magatsu Mandala, and tear through the entire screen with Atom Smasher. Theodore: Or you know, he could just drag you to hell for one last grand stabbing with Yomi Drop. Nova: And unlike most Persona users, this guy just seems to be right at home in the normally dangerous TV World. Not only do the local Shadows seem to like him, but he's even capable of summoning copies of the Reaper, one of the most dangerous Shadows around! Theodore: The bag over it's head may seem a bit goofy but it's two MASSIVE revolvers are anything but. Yet even with all of this firepower, your greatest enemy in the TV World is yourself. No really! Alice: Everybody has some deep dark secret that they even deny from themselves, you know like Theo's cosplay addiction and Nova's shitty spending habits. '' '''Theodore and Nova: Bullshit! Those are hardly secrets at all!' Alice: This takes the form of a powerful Shadow in your exact form. Rejecting it will cause the Shadow to go berserk and try to kill you, and it's kind of hard not to. Theodore: But don't start thinking Adachi's some sort of invincible god now. Any damage taking by a Persona will simultaneously be felt by it's user, and enough extensive damage can render it temporarily unusable. Adachi's a lot more reliant on Magatsu Izanagi than most other Persona users but that sure as hell never stopped him from pulling off some crazy shit. Nova: Adachi's a master of trolling, he knows just how to get under your skin and piss you off the right way. He's more than a match for main character Yu Narukami, having single handedly destroyed many of his most powerful Personas and nearly killing the guy too! Alice: Adachi is ridiculously durable too. His Persona has been brutally impaled, burned, or otherwise horribly maimed on many occasions but it was hardly enough to stop this psycho. He even endured a personal no holds beatdown courtesy of the physically augmented Sho Minazuki, and he even had the balls to insult the redhead while he was still getting the shit kicked out of him! Theodore: And at the end of the day, Adachi wasn't the true mastermind behind the tragedies at Inaba, instead it was the Goddess Izanami! Plot twist! Adachi's gotten a little nicer after that but it still doesn't stop him from acting like a prick all the time. Nova: Even so, he's still willing to put aside his differences to team up with Yu Narukami and annihilate the newest big bad! But yeah, he's still a dick anyway. Adachi: Those who actually succeed in life, they just happen to be born with a magic ticket called talent. Hazama Cue Music 4 Theodore: Alice, what are you-''' Alice: We're entering time loop territory here, it's best we come prepared. Now have your coffee. '''Theodore: I don't care what Luther says, coffee should NOT bubble like that! Nova: Yeah, there's no denying what a confusing mindf*ck the story of Blazblue can be but you also can't deny how lovable its cast of characters is, especially my personal favorite, Captain Hazama! Alice: Look, it's Michael Jackson! Theodore: Wait, you don't actually-''' Alice: Hazama is the calm, cool, and collected captain of the Novus Orbis Librarium's Intelligence Department who prefers to avoid any kind of violence... Or so he'd have you believe. Nova: Because lets be honest here, that kind of personality is BOOOOORING! No, it turns out he's really a manipulative, trolling, and sadistic psychopath! And wouldn't you know it, Hazama's one of the main masterminds behind the events of the series! Now that's more like it! '''Theodore: You're really starting to creep me out, girl... Alice: Well, Hazama's polite facade was certainly more than enough to keep people from suspecting his true nature, but once the charade's up, he has no problem at all shoving his real self up people's asses. I'm only half kidding about that. Nova: That may not sound too bad to me personally but this guy has no problems with and practically looks forward to killing off any dumbass that gets in his way. In fact, Hazama pretty much gets off on and feeds off people's suffering, like a true troll! Hahahahahahaha! Alice: Theo, get your scythe ready, I think she's finally lost it. Nova: Hold on, now! There's a perfectly reasonable explanation for everything here! Lets just skip all the bullshit and... Plot twist! Hazama's actually the vessel for the even crazier Yuki Terumi, one of the legendary heroes responsible for defeating the Black Beast. I just like Hazama more, that's all. Theodore: Right... But wait, aren't they still the same guy anyway? Nova: Well, hold on to your butts, I'm gonna have to start explaining the crazier shit here before things get of of hand. Alice: It hasn't already? We're already butchering the game's plot as it is. Nova: When I said Hazama's supposed to be a vessel, I kind of meant it back there. He's a completely different entity from Terumi and they eventually got separated too. Their fighting styles and personalities are quite unique and most importantly, Hazama's the one on my potential husbands list! Alice and Theodore: ...You're freackin' kidding, right?! Nova: Hey, a girl's gotta plan for the future, and Hazama here's just meeting all my standards. Theodore: Out of all the combatants we've analyzed so far, THIS jackass is your type?! Why? Nova: Plebeians like you shall never understand true love! Alice: Plebeians like us are at least mentally sane. I like him well enough, but you could do so much better. Nova: Whatever you say, cyborg. Alice: Android, there's a difference! Theodore: Regardless of the smooth criminal's mental state, he knows just how to get under anybody's skin and always seems to be one step ahead of the heroes. Nova: And when push comes to shove, he's more than willing to personally beat you within an inch of your life. Hazama wields Ouroboros, an eerie steel hook in the shape of a snake attached to a seemingly infinite chain of dark green energy. Just getting hit by the chain will be enough to enforce a mind rape on you too! Alice: With this unique weapon, Hazama can channel his inner scorpion to reel in foes from afar for a sweet follow up attack. He can even use Ouroboros as a fancy method of transportation around the battlefield, perfect for chasing after cowards or continuing a combo. Theodore: Or if he really wants to get close and personal, Hazama always carries a set of rather stylish butterfly knives with him at all times. Though even with all this, Hazama still takes the opportunity to troll his opponents in mid battle as well. Nova: Well, how many other fighters can you name actually incorporate dance moves into their fighting styles? Theodore: Well, there's-''' Nova: Rhetorical. But these wild moves are perfect for confusing the hell out of whoever he's fighting. You see, now that's clever character design! Alice: Hazama can summon viscous apparitions in the shape of a serpent to assault his victims too, whether he uses them to augment his physical strikes, or as relentless projectiles. Nova: But hey, this is an anime fighter so of course his super attacks all need to have badass names. Serpent's Infernal Rupture knocks a victim up so high, he won't be coming down for a while. '''Theodore: Eternal Coils of the Dragon Serpent will bind a foe in place before barraging the poor soul with a barrage of knife slashes and serpentine projectiles. Alice: And if he really wants to see you in pain, and well of course he does, he'll go all Dance Dance revolution on your face with The Serpent's Unholy Wrath. Nova: Or best of all, he could launch you into the air with a cage of chains and eat you alive with one enormous cobra! Ophidiophobiacs should beware! Just makes me wonder what his source of power is... I bet it's his sweet hat! Alice: While he does have the ability to summon the fedora to his hands out of thin air, Hazama's entire body actually happens to be a replica of the Azure Grimoire, which long time viewers may remember from old Puppy the Bloodedge. Theodore: Activating the grimoire will temporarily envelope Hazama in a large green circle of energy that will forcefully suck up the energy of anything that comes into contact with it. He seems damn near unstoppable! Nova: Well, admittedly the only reason Hazama could stay ahead of everybody so long was because of his extensive knowledge of Blazblue's crazy ass timeloop. Once the cycle ended, Hazama's plans were completely f*cked from that point. It wasn't long before Terumi was seemingly killed off by Hakumen and Hazama permanently separated from him. Alice: Despite his quick and stylish moves, Hazama is surprisingly slow otherwise, but he probably does that on purpose. His 2nd greatest weakness though, is his own masssive ego. Theodore: You can probably write a book on the list of things that piss Hazama off but damaging his pride or ego in any way will REALLY push him over the edge! ...What do you mean 2nd greatest weakness? Nova: I say his ego is rightfully deserved but... Hazama's terribly allergic to cats. Huh. That might be a dealbreaker for me... I'll just have to compromise... Alice: That's kind of what you should expect if you go around bathing in catnip. But I will grudgingly admit he's not a complete asshole, especially after he was separated from Terumi. By the time Centralfiction rolled around, Hazama actually became the nice guy he was masquerading as all this time... But he still finds time to act like a dick anyway. Theodore: I guess that's just what happens when you get your role hijacked by Izanami... Wait a minute, that sounds familiar... Alice: Nova, I just have to ask, why the hell are you hopelessly crushing on this jackass? Nova: Oh, we've only been explaining all of that the entire time but... He also has a great taste in food! I bet he'll love my own special cuisines! Theodore: Your foods are practically chemical weapons-... Oh, I see. He enjoys eating shitty food, that's it. If he can stomach Noel's abominations than surely he could-''' Nova: Oh, then perhaps you would like a serving for yourself? Lets stop the recording here... Hehehehe... ''Hazama: It's time for a little punishment! I'll let you feel the most exquisite pain! '' Interlude 2 '''Theodore: Blargh... That was awful! Alice: it's times like this when I wish I wasn't programmed with a sense of taste... Nova: You're welcome, by the way. Ungrateful... Theodore: Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all... Hold on, I need a bucket... ' ''Alice: We'll return to our regularly scheduled programming once Theo finishes puking his guts out. :) Nova: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE! Kick some ass for me out there, Hazama! '''Theodore: Good to see you're not biased here... The Battle Pre Fight Inaba- Prison Cell Cue Music 5 "Gee, it sure is boring around here. Just where the hell is everyone?" Former Tohru Adachi loudly complained as he lounged about on his prison bunk. "Ah well, any excuse to avoid those bullshit therapy sessions is fine by me... But my scheduled dinner sure as hell is running late." The former detective audibly groaned when he decided to get up to stretch his legs for a bit. He looked upon his cell door with great contempt. "So what? These bastards are gonna actively try to starve me to death now?" The serial killer slammed a fist onto the door in frustration, which produced a peculiar creaking sound much to his surprise. "...Are you shitting me right now?" He casually poked the door with his finger once more... And the bars containing the criminal fell over like a cheap set of paper dolls. Adachi could not help bursting out into laughter upon the sight of this. "Wow, I knew the police force was getting incompetent lately but this... Hahahahaha! Oh, my sides..." With nothing to halt the convict from escaping, he whistled a tune as he casually made his way to the building's entrance. What he witnessed on the way over was quite surprising to say the least. "Damn, this place looks so dead it reminds me of Dojima-san's wife." The detective exclaimed as he noticed that he was the only person in the building altogether. Adachi continued to stroll down the eerily empty halls before casually kicking down the door leading to the main entrance. It was then when an unknown voice caught the man's attention. "Yo! I see you finally got your ass in gear." Cue Music 6 "Michael Jackson? What the f*ck am I looking at here?" Adachi taunted in surprise when he turned his attention to the sharply dressed green haired man who had just greeted him. The fedora wearing man quickly spoke up before Adachi could utter another word. "Just so we're clear, everyone was already dead before I arrived, kay?" Adachi looked past Hazama to see the room randomly littered with bloody bodies he could hardly recognize. "Looks like one hell of a hangover to me." "Ha! You seem like a pretty fun guy, you know? But I'm apparently supposed to break your ass out of this joint to recruit your services or some shit like that." Hazama noted out as he started to spin his hat around on the tip of his finger. Adachi hardly listened to the troll's ramblings seeing as how he casually strolled up to a dead guard and stole a revolver from the mangled corpse. "You won't be needing this anymore, right? ...What, you do?! I'll just pretend I didn't hear that." "What the- hey asshole, are you even listening to me here? Oh and don't leave this building, whatever you-" "What was that? I couldn't hear you over your fatass-" Cue Sound 2 "Bwahahaha! What the hell is that?" "Hey now, I tried to warn you... You know, I really don't appreciate you stealing my spotlight in this episode. I'm just so much-" "And since when did you have fourth wall awareness?" The two lunatics paid no attention to the abomination lurking just outside as they continued their little argument. Hazama extended a hand in an attempt to end things peacefully''. "All right, as fun as it is to screw around here, you still need to come long with more or we're both gonna have a bad time."'' "Oh I see now, you're just scared of your new boss! I can see it now: the incompetent, shit for brains-" Adachi could not get another word out before a knife nearly flew into his head and struck the wall behind him. Cue Music 7 "I'm sorry but... You really seem to have no idea who you're dealing with do you? Screw it, it'll be easier this way." Hazama revealed an i-phone from his pocket and slammed it to the ground. "The deadbeat detective thinks he's better than me? What a f*cking joke!" Adachi just let out a maniacal laugh and hunched his back forward in response. "A joke eh? This coming from the crotch grabbing serial rapist himself? Now that's a good one!" Hazama's facial expression hardly changed from its neutral position as he twirled one of his butterfly knives around his fingers and stared directly into the detective's eyes. "It's a pretty shitty day outside... People are screaming, Shadows are rising... On days like this, lolicons like you... SHOULD BE SUFFERING IN ETERNAL DESPAIR! OR HELL!" The Wheel of Fate is Turning... Adachi vs Hazama sprites remastered.png Adachi vs Hazama Screenshot.PNG FIGHT! Adachi could barely hold in his laughter at this point, even when Hazama hurled a few knives at the former detective's face. "Oh great, now the smooth criminal here actually wants to fight me?" Adachi taunted as he lazily drew a pistol and fired off a single shot. Making no effort to dodge the bullet, Hazama simply removed his fedora and caught the projectile with the rim of the hat. "You know, to be honest I was kind of hoping this would happen! Now I can really have some fun!" The green haired man replied and flicked his hand forward, summoning the dreaded chain Ouroboros to lash out at his enemy. Adachi just nonchalantly shrugged and snapped his fingers, once again making little effort to avoid the attack. A red streak of light flashed through the room, revealing itself to be Adachi's Persona: Magatsu Izanagi. "Holy shit! I didn't think it would work here!" The detective exclaimed with much amusement, grinning with glee as he noticed that Ouroboros had gotten stuck on the Persona's naginata. "Oh, how I've missed you, old acquaintance." With but a hand gesture, he commanded the Persona to raise the spear up and forcefully drag Hazama over to him. "Shit! That's not supposed to happen!" Was all the Captain could spout out before he received a jumping gun bash directly to the head. The impact sent the man crashing to the floor face first, but he seemed more concerned with catching his hat out of the air before it could meet the same fate. The smooth criminal was back on his feet in a matter of seconds only to be nearly skewered by Magatsu Izanagi's large weapon. "So, you sure you're not compensating for something with that?" He decided to ask as he started parrying Magatsu's blows with some admittedly fancy enhanced kicks. Hazama continued the clash for about 5 more blows before he decided to jump up and lodge a few of his knives into the Persona's face. Adachi felt the savage stabbing as well, opening his Persona up for a viscous high kick to the jaw that sent it sky high. Savoring the opening he still had, Hazama shot Ouroboros at the detective and reeled the egocentric dick towards him. "Get over here, bitch!" Adachi was met with a boot to the head as soon as he was in range of the madman. The impact of the blow slammed him into the wall, where he was shortly blasted with a small barrage of snake shaped energy blasts. The force of the serpents was enough to break through the wall and throw Adachi into the hallway that had just been opened up. "Ah, gotta love a good ultra combo!" Hazama congratulated himself and proceeded to follow after his newest plaything. Though to the troll's surprise, Adachi was nowhere to be seen by the time he entered the new room, though his attention was soon directed to the detective's mocking voice. "You MIGHT want to look up next time!" At a moments notice, Magastu Izanagi dropped from the ceiling and landed directly on Hazama, sticking the man onto its naginata for good measure. The Persona raised its weapon from the ground while Hazama was still attached, and with a flash of green, threw the madman further down the hall will a piercing gust of wind. Adachi leaped from a concealed corner to catch Hazama in mid flight and pin him against a wall. With the utmost lack of empathy, Adachi proceeded to point his revolver at the smooth criminal's crotch and pulled the trigger six times'. "Looks like somebody's gonna be a virgin forever."' Adachi laughed mockingly as he raised his gun to strike Hazama over the head again. Before Hazama could be struck again, the captain unexpectedly rammed his head directly into Adachi's skull. One could swear the impact broke a few bones judging from the sickening sound. The disoriented detective was soon struck with a flurry of graceful kicks courtesy of the newly castrated Hazama''. "You are SO gonna regret doing that, dumbass!"'' Hazama warned as he delivered a jumping roundhouse kick to end his little combo. Cue Music 8 Adachi found himself crashing through the door and into a rather familiar looking room. "Why, hello beautiful... It's certainly been a while, eh?" The detective chuckled evilly and patiently waited for Hazama to follow after him. A small switch-knife happened to be abandoned on a nearby table. It was hardly the best weapon of choice but he equipped it anyway. "Come on out, pussy! You're really gonna force me to keep chasing after you?" Hazama loudly complained and entered the new room with his butterfly knife at the ready. Sure enough, Adachi was ready to strike the moment he entered the room and the two quickly engaged in a knife fight. "Pah! You call that a knife? Talk about low standards!" Hazama mocked as he blocked a stab that nearly cut his coat. "Low eh? Thanks for the tip!" Adachi replied and proceeded duck down to trip his foe off his feet. He could not help but point and laugh as Hazama fell face first yet again. "Mangle 'em! Magatsu Izanagi!" Before Hazama could get up again, the familiar sensation of getting stabbed with a naginata reared its head once more as the Persona lifted the smooth criminal up from behind. With the flick of his middle finger, Adachi wordlessly commanded his Persona to throw the captain forward, directly into the nearby television. Adachi continued his mad laughter upon seeing Hazama's body swallowed up by the comically small device. "Damn. It's a miracle his fat ass even fit in there... I've just gotta check up on what happens in there!" Adachi mused to himself for a few good seconds before choosing to follow after his newest victim. The trip into the TV was a surprisingly tight fit but he managed to make his way into the dangerous world within soon enough. "I just know this is gonna be a good one... Hahahahahahahaha!" Cue Music 9 The Fight Takes a New Turn! A few minutes later: Inside the TV World Adachi made his way into the all too familiar location soon enough, but the landscape looked even more hellish than before. "Huh. I might have taken a wrong turn into the Netherworld... Now where did Michael Jackson-san get off to?" The maniacal yells of a familiar sounding voice were enough to answer the serial killer's question. Cue Music 10 The laugh grew closer by the second and soon enough, Adachi was nearly struck with an all too familiar green chain. The detective summoned Magatsu Izanagi in advance, just knowing that Hazama would reel himself in right after. The Persona's naginata soon clashed with the captain's knife, leading into another short clash. "Did you really think you could off me that easy, Pedobear?" Hazama honestly asked as he bent his body back to duck under another swing of the Persona's spear. "Judging from your pants pissing cries of terror earlier, I'm gonna say yes." Adachi shot back with a confident smirk on his face. Hazama was about to shoot back with another insult before another voice decided to chime in. It sounded just like the captain's but much more distorted. "Awwww, is the puppet getting scared again? You do know-" "Shut up! Shut up! SHUT THE F*CK UP! I've had enough of you spouting out bullshit!" Hazama was at the boiling point. He kicked away Magatsu Izanagi so he could focus his attention on the newcomer... Who happened to look exactly like him. Hazama's mirror image nonchalantly avoided all of his original's attacks with ease, taunting him all the way. "Come on, even Stormtroopers would be laughing at you for this!" *''Miss!* ''"You know what you are, just accept it." *''Miss!* ''"You never were a real person, just some f*cking doll!" *''Miss!* ''"You're purpose was dropped in the shitter ever since Hakumen stabbed your ass!" *''Miss!* Meanwhile, Adachi simply stood back and enjoyed the show. He even took a few moments to cheer on Hazama's shadow self. Though something did seem amiss as Adachi noticed a few lesser Shadows harmlessly flying about overhead. The nearby clash wasn't even close to finishing, so Adachi shot out a command in impatience. '"For f*cks sake, this is gonna last all day. Just tell the bastard how you really feel already!"' '"For once, I actually have to agree with the lolicon here."' Hazama stated as he suddenly regained his composure and shot out Ouroboros. '"I don't give two shits about anything you have to say."' The chain actually managed to pierce his double. '"All I'm hearing is a bunch of damn lies!"' He yanked his victim to the ground before him face first. '"YOU'RE..."' Hazama stomped on his victim's head with glee. '"NOT..."' The stomping hastened dramatically. '"ME!"' Hazama's stomping only managed to become more gruesome as time went on. Cue Music 11 Eventually, the captain chose to keep his foot on the doppelganger's face and grind his heel as if he was stepping on a doormat. '"Jesus Christ. And I thought I had issues."' Adachi commented as he continued to spectate the brutal beating before him. Hazama's Shadow could only laugh maniacally as its entire body began to fade away into nothing. The skies around them followed suit, turning even darker then they already were. '"Not quite the result I was expecting. Figures I have to do all this shit myself."' Adachi sighed in disappointment and snapped his fingers, signalling the summoning of both his Persona, and a small horde of phantom like Shadows: The Reapers. All the while, Hazama was shakily clutching his head, clearly in great pain. '"What? You're giving me the silent treatment now of all times? No witty repartee?"' Adachi gave out a small chuckle and lazily pointed his revolver at the fellow madman. '"I knew you were a f*cking joke."' Cue Sound 3 It was at that moment when the real Hazama completely lost his mind. With a lunatic laugh even louder than that of his Shadow, the captain unwittingly signaled a shroud of Shadows to swarm in on his position. The TV World was really going straight to hell now as the skies were replaced by many enormous hordes of Shadows, all making some rather unintelligible sounds. The Shadows left no opening in their ranks, making it impossible to see what lied outside and more importantly, it meant there was no escaping for either of the lunatics contained within. Cue Music 12 Adachi couldn't help applauding this spectacle while still keeping that mocking smirk on his face. Soon enough, Hazama even managed to summon a horde of Reapers of his own to aid him in battle. Hazama finally managed to regain his composure and placed a hand on his chin in deep thought. '"You know, something just doesn't seem right about these new mooks... I've got it!"' With a snap of his finger, Hazama magically summoned a fedora to each of his Reaper's heads to differentiate the from Adachi's horde. '"Now... I'm going to make you suffer for the shit you just pulled off... And I'm gonna enjoy showing you the TRUTH OF DESPAIR!"' '"Aaaaand there's the psycho I always thought you were. Lovely."' Adachi snarked and began to join in on the shit eating laughter. The Shadow's activity only grew wilder with every moment. Then without warning, large clusters of the creatures broke off from the makeshift cage to collide with the two madmen who were still laughing their asses off. It wasn't long before those Shadows were completely obliterated and replaced with dark streaks of red and green respectively. Adachi conjured up a large red tornado and Hazama shot an enormous cobra head into the air respectively. '"No more interruptions now. It's time to get to the main event!"' With that moment, the battlefield went straight to hell. Many of the Shadows swarming above turned on one another without warning and the Reapers closed in with the intent to kill off the two killers. Hazama stabbed one of the phantoms from afar with Ouroboros, a shit eating grin plastered on the man's face. The Reaper he had just struck soon found itself being used as a makeshift flail to slam into the other Shadows around it. The rest of the Reapers paid no mind to their newly weaponized brethren and opened fire on the smooth criminal with their gigantic revolvers. With Ouroboros still latched onto its custom flail, Hazama skillfully dodged the oncoming barrage with the grace one would expect from a ballroom dancer. All the while, he continued to wave his new toy around to smack into his faceless attackers. Occasionally, one of the Shadows would receive a flashy flip kick to the face if it managed to get too close. Adachi was having a just as simple experience fighting off his own attackers as he commanded Magatsu Izanagi to disintegrate a small line of them with a large electrically charges beam. One of the reapers managed to get behind the detective with the intent of shooting him in the back of the head, only for Adachi to retaliate in kind. He even had the gall to walk up to the Shadow and deliver a gun bash to its nonexistent balls while Magatsu Izanagi continued to fight off the other Shadows. While the Reaper Adachi smacked recoiled upon impact with Adachi's gun, it was still able to point its own firearm at the man in response. Making no real effort to avoid the oncoming gunshot, Adachi just wordlessly signaled his Persona to drop its spear into the Reaper's head before it could fire off a shot. The Shadow collapsed to the ground upon being struck but it was still able to point its weapon at the detective regardless. '"For f*cks sake, just make like Dojima-sans wife and die already! Heat Riser!"' With that command, the Reaper burned to ashes and Adachi felt himself grow substantially stronger. Adachi sarcastically dusted his hands off in celebration, not seeming to care about another Reaper making a direct beeline for him. With another annoyed sigh, Magatsu Izanagi protectively moved behind its master to catch the Reaper on its weapon before it could come close to hitting its mark. The Persona yanked the Reaper over its head, and sure enough Hazama himself was found tethering over, attached to a chain on the other side. Not one to screw up the same plan twice, Hazama met Magatsu Izanagi's spear with a wicked axe kick, even managing to push the Persona back a bit upon impact. The two engaged in another brief clash, though soon enough, Hazaa feigned an injury and dramatically dropped to the ground. Magatsu Izanagi raised its spear up high with the intent of stabbing it down on the green haired man in response. As the weapon made its way downward, Adachi felt a massive pain spike up in his chest. Hazama had impaled the Persona through with Ouroboros, and the chain was closing in on the detective himself fast. Adachi ducked under the chain to avoid meeting the same fate of his Persona, but Hazama simply reeled himself forward to give the detective a good boot to the head. Not one to allow his prey to die without suffering, Hazama jammed one of his butterfly knives into the detective's crotch. '"Payback's a bitch, ain't it?"' Adachi soon found himself on the receiving end of a savage beat down at the literal hands of Hazama, yet the detective still had the gall to laugh his ass off all the while. Cue Music 13 Despite being pinned to the ground, Adachi's mad laughter just didn't stop. '"Do you really think you're above me? Let alone the rest of the bitches and whores that overflow this shitheap of a world?!"' Hazama shouted as he continued to beat down on the laughing hyena of a detective. "Do you know what you really are?" He threw another punch. '"You're a selfish asshole-"' Adachi spat in the other man's face in the middle of his monologue. '"Oh come now, don't act like I'm the only jackass here that gets off on screwing with people's lives."' Hazama let out a wicked cackle of his own before continuing to assault his newest victim. '"You look like you could just break down any second now, that's good. The world needs less shitheads like you walking around."' Adachi spat again as he felt a few of his teeth fall from his mouth. '"That's fascinating to hear, but I WILL make you admit you're beneath me! Just another sadistic!"' Hazama threw another punch. '"Foul mouthed!"' Each pause in his words was followed by another strike. '"Insignificant pile of shit that has no right to exist! Another doll with no soul whose only right is to follow orders!"' Hazama briefly ceased his beatdown to reach for his knife, prompting Adachi to laugh at this amazingly corny speech. '"Heh, sounds to me like you just described yourself there too... But there's one thing you kind of forgot... And it's right behind you."' Hazama ignored the detective's warning as he raised his hand up with the intent of bringing the knife onto his foe's face. Yet before he could do so, Hazama felt a familiar pain pierce his very core. He looked down to see Magatsu Izanagi's spear sticking right through his chest. Not even fazed in the slightest, the rage on Hazama's face heightened as he turned around to meet eyes with his new attacker... Only for that look to turn into one of fear. Magatsu Izanagi was certainly there, but standing right next to it was a surprisingly recognizable figure. This one looked just like Terumi, the man's alter ego. Ignoring the searing pain flowing through his body, he dislodged himself from the spear and launched Ouroboros at the new figure, which simply disappeared on contact. '"That son of a bitch... What?! The puppy's here too?!"' Hazama screamed as he lunged at a new figure in the shape of a fairly familiar character. '"The shitty vampire?!"' Another false phantom was struck through. '"What the f*ck is this?!"' More Shadows in the shapes of the people he knew emerged as Magatsu Izanagi closed in to stab the man again. '"Say something for f*cks sake! Don't just stand there!"' Hazama pleaded as he parried the incoming blow. Thus, for what seemed to last an eternity, Hazama had to alternate between striking down Shadows and defending himself from the Persona, all as Adachi watched the scene unfold with a shit eating grin on his face. He certainly got a few kicks whenever Hazama swore out in defiance. '"I'll kill you all! I f*cking swear I'll kill you all! And you!"' He pointed to Adachi. '"How long are you gonna keep this shit going?!"' '"Eh. This really isn't fun anymore."' Adachi shrugged. '"I couldn't agree more."' Cue Music 14 And before he knew it, Hazama found himself being tackled to the ground... Not long after, he felt a massive pain flare up in his right shoulder. To the man's dismay, his entire right arm had been completely severed. He could only let out another scream of pure agony as Magatsu Izanagi stabbed him with it's spear again. He looked up to see two more familiar figures looming over him. Adachi was simply standing over the man's body, showing off his atrocious posture while another figure was crouching by him even closer... And he looked just like Hazama's doppelganger from earlier. The Persona proceeded to stab him again. And again. The savage blows kept coming as Hazama's Shadow and Adachi laughed with content upon the rather pathetic sight. The Shadow even took a few opportunities to taunt and kick the man while he was still down. Any of Hazama's attempts to bat away his aggressors were quite literally swatted away every time. '"LIKE HELL IF YOU'RE KILLING ME OFF THIS EASILY!"' In an instant, Hazama's body was engulfed in a green glyph circling his body. As Magatsu Izanagi brought it's weapon down in attempt to skewer the madman again, it was ceased by another strike of Ouroboros. With the Persona in tow, Hazama used it as a makeshift wrecking ball to bat away his other attackers as they continued to laugh at the man's misfortune. He then proceeded to toss Magatsu Izanagi away like a used roll of toilet paper, sending it hurtling into the wall of Shadows surrounding the arena. With a bloodlusted look in his eyes, Hazama then lunged at Adachi with blinding speeds, with a knife in his mouth and his severed right. arm cradled in his left hand. The detective recovered from his own blow soon enough and readied his revolver in anticipation of the pissed off captain's final gambit. The detective fired off a few successful shots at the green haired lunatic but he soon found himself being stabbed by Ouroboros from afar, resulting in him getting pinned up against a wall soon after. This time, Hazama wanted nothing more than to kill his victim off. He jabbed a knife into the detective's right shoulder and twisted his head to further agitate the wound. Adachi's hand was still free to fire off his remaining bullets into Hazama's chest, but another sickening headbutt was enough to force him to drop the weapon once he ran out of ammo. With no way for the detective to defend himself, Hazama literally beat down on the man single handedly. '<>' ''Alice: Huh. I didn't know Hazama was a fan of Arm Fall Off Boy. <> "Do you see it now, lolicon?! Do you see how worthless you are in this grand scheme?!" Hazama viciously taunted as he continued to swing his arm around. "Unlke you, I don't make mistakes. I'm not a raging hypocrite either. I'll prove to the world just how much better I am than it! And when I'm finished with you..." Hazama bit down on the knife he embedded in the detective's shoulder. "I'll take a potato chip..." He twisted the blade even further. "AND EA- GAH!" And in that moment, Magatsu Izanagi came crashing through the wall behind it's master to forcefully shove it's naginata into Hazama's face. "What a... bunch of... bullshit...." Hazama muttered out as he tried to remove the spear to no avail. "Now it's time I gave you a lesson you sorely need." Adachi suddenly spoke out as he commanded his Persona to grab onto the weapon again. "You act all high and mighty, but lose and you're just a loser." He kicked the green haired man in the crotch again just to spite him. "Just like all the rest.... Now... Mangle 'em! Magatsu Izanagi!" And with his final command, the Persona called down a mighty thunderbolt to force the naginata even further into it's foe's body. Not content with this, Adachi commanded it to remove the spear and continue to stab the body repeatedly to make damn sure Hazama would not get up again. KO! "How does it feel when I beat you? Are you pissed? Miserable? Frustrated? Ahahaha, that's what it like to lose!" Adachi burst into maniacal laughter one last time before he started to contemplate a rather important question. "Ha... Now how the hell do I get out of here this time?!" Results Cue Music 15 Theodore: Holy. Shit. That was excessive. Nova: NO! You guys killed off my waifu! Why would you do that?! Theodore: Novs, you REALLY need to get some better standards. Alice: I'll be the first one to say that this fight was EXTREMELY close, but it was just as much a psycholgical battle as it was a physical one. Theodore: Let me tell you, this battle could have gone on MUCH longer if it wasn't for a few key factors. We'll start by discussing the TV World and their respective personalities. When Hazama wants someone dead, he makes damn sure that they suffer as much as possible before dying. Adachi on the other hand? Not only is he a more level headed individual but he has no problem skipping the bullshit and killing you outright. Nova: *sigh* I guess I'll cross another potential spouse off the list. Alice: All right girl, we get it! Now, the TV World is inhabited by Shadows as we all know, and these Shadows are responsible for making us face our deepest darkest secrets. Theodore: Hazama's huge ego already presents a major problem for him. Insulting it in any way is a quick way to piss the guy off and the kind f*ckery of the TV World is more than enough to drive anybody off the edge. But what about Adachi? Well, not only is he much more experienced in this entire field, but the Shadows actually seem to have developed a liking for him too! Nova: Right then. Now if we stack all of this mind screwing up with Adachi's natural trolling tendencies, Hazama's practically guaranteed to lose his shit in the process. Anybody that pisses this guy off will automatically be sent to the top of his to kill list! Alice: But that's not to say the TV World would not completely screw him over either. As shown by Mitsuo Kubo, one can forcefully reject their own Shadow through he sheer force of their own ego or even outright become their Shadow. Sounds familiar eh? Not to mention, Hazama's just as wicked enough to get the other Shadows to like him too. Theodore: Sure, all of this pyschological information is invaluable to the results of the fight, but what really seals the nail on the coffin is the combatant's physical prowess. They are MORE than a match for one another in many ways but not even Hazama can quite stand up to the full fury of Magatsu Izanagi. Nova: Need I remind you of it's ability to inflict status ailments after the use of Magatsu Mandala? Those sure as hell put a damper on your performance after a while. And sure, despite the Persona's great durability, enough damage can render it unusable... but only temporarily. The battle is still going to be two on one either way, all you've done is get rid of the partner for a bit. Alice: Let's not forget that Magatsu Izanagi can cut through buildings and is more than able to content with Yu Narukami himself, whose signature Persona could wipe through an entire town in it's first outing in the Golden anime. Hell, Magatsu Izanagi itself was able to one shot the massive Ameno Sagiri on it's own too after the pimptagonist got his hands on it. Theodore: Sorry to say Nova, but it looks like Hazama's gonna have to Beat It out of here! Nova: Theo, that was not a good pun. At all. Alice: The winner is Tohru Adachi! Post Episode Cue Music 16 Nova: Dammit, we didn't have a skit prepared this time! Theodore: Well, Luther and Rena were supposed to be here by now... The hell's taking them so long? Cue Sound Effect! Alice: Holy hell! The rioters are going ape shit out there! Quick, we need to ready another episode! Nova: Agreed. *ahem* Hey everyone! We're doing General Grievous vs Doc Ock next! So please don't go storming our HQ just yet! Theodore: What the hell do you mean just yet?! Alice: Just roll with it! We need to keep everyone entertained until the runtime is over! Theodore: Oh yeah, right... Well, I can juggle my guns if you want. Nova: That did not sound right. At all. ... Alice: So, are you guys still watching? ... ...How about a little request? In the event that you decide to post a comment down below... Just make sure you read the entire thing, okay? We trust you guys. (Theo's still a dork though) Theodore: Wait, what? Alice: Thanks for your time! We hope you enjoyed yourselves, Allie out! Who do you think is a better troll? Adachi Hazama Who do you think would win? Adachi Hazama Category:Team MMYP Death Battles Category:What-If? Death Battles Category:'Video Games' themed Death Battles Category:'Psychopaths' themed Death Battles Category:Death Battles by 2 Different Series Category:Death Battles by 2 Different Companies Category:'Villain vs. Villain' Themed Death Battles Category:BlazBlue vs Persona Themed Death Battles Category:Sub-Boss/Boss themed Death Battles Category:Mid-Season Finale Category:Completed What-If? Death Battles Category:What-If? Death Battles completed in 2016